Although there are less jobs advertised than there were last year, there are still quite a number of jobs that I am interested in.

So, off I go, job hunting. I wonder whether I will be admitted to b/school or get a new job first?

It's hard to say, since I tend to go for those long shot jobs, where I'm under qualified or lack experience. Of course, the logic being, if I get accepted then it would be really good.

But I think it's time I stopped messing up and apply for realistic positions.

------

On the other hand, I saw my supervisor kiss so much ass when trying to get a deal that I recalled certain passages from Monkey Business.

Whoa. And I thought only investment banking would be that bad. Guess when commercial banking gets competitive it's all the same.

Yay! Happy Birthday to myself.

Another year has passed and I'm hopefully closer to achieving my dreams.

Yet, no interview from Yale either.

I think on the overall, I'm looking at getting admitted without an interview positively. But realistically I would understand if I get dinged. After a while, if you put things into perspective, getting dinged isn't such a bad thing. Yes, it's time and money gone to waste, but the application experience can only prepare you for bigger things. Dinged by Yale? Apply to Wharton in the next round. There is ample time to strengthen my profile (hopefully).

-----

Let me play some online poker first! :)

-----

*6 hours later*

WHOA! ONLINE POKER IS ADDICTIVE!!!
Just like most forms of gambling.

5 years ago, I was hooked on gambling. Actually, my pre-occupation with gambling start much earlier, maybe my interest first begun when I was 12? 13? Can't really remember. Although as a kid I never had much money, nor did my family condone any form of gambling - I still managed to get involved in various forms of gambling, from betting on the World Cup to electronic slots. I wasted time and money just getting the high from gambling.

If anything, gambling is truly what I regret the most. It ruined my life (I was too hooked on it to care about anything else), it ruined relationships, and I was constantly broke as a result.

For the past 3 years I've had it under control. I simply avoid gambling dens and ensure that I have a tight control on myself. In the last World Cup I made some bets. In fact, I bet on every game. But no matter what, my bet never exceeded my limit. I simply told myself, I will bet $10 a game, no more, no less. And I'm proud to say that I stuck with it.

So, yes, gambling is a problem. Maybe one day I'll talk more about it.

But gambling can be beaten. You just have to force yourself (in my case after losing nearly everything I had), or seek help. And you will feel good once you kick the habit.

Anyway, back to the online poker. It's great fun. But I'm only going to play in competitions and for play money. My schedule isn't going to allow me to sit down 24/7 hitting the virtual tables. So, I'm looking at it as a hobby.

And it will stay that way. I am never going back to being addicted to gambling again. Ever.

I can't believe I'm getting into religious arguements with my girlfriend. I accept and support her being a Christian, but surely in the same way I should be given my own space and be allowed to believe in what I want? (or rather, not believe in what I want)

Isn't religious belief personal?

I should have right to object to having to attend a religious gathering that makes me feel uncomfortable. Yes, I may attend to support somebody who may be giving a presentation, but I should be allowed to consider whether I wish to attend or not.

I have to admit, I'm not a big fan of any religion. I admire the values that certain religions inculcate in children (don't steal, don't lie, etc), but feel that somebody should always have the right to reject a religion.

------

On another note, I was just reminiscing about my wonderful head of department. In a flash of genius during the last annual department meeting (held last week), he decided to inspire us to reach for the skies and achieve our new performance ratings.

In a bid to achieve a promotion, the head of department has decided to increase revenue growth by 35% for the year. Basically, this translates into everybody (including direct non-sales like myself) having to now do sales. And to encourage a "sales driven culture" (love this buzzword, the banks here are having a field day with it), 50% of my performance ratings come from doing sales.

Anyway, I'm digressing.

In one stroke, the head of department removed any reason for teamwork.

"Team! We are not just competing against competitors! Don't forget, you are also competing against other divisions in the bank to look good. You are competing against other departments as well. Most importantly, you're competing against your colleagues!"

Maybe I don't understand it very well, maybe I'm reading too much into it.... but if I'm competing against my own colleagues, I don't think I'm going to be getting much help from them to close a deal to help achieve my new performance ratings.

I think, the bank has hit a level where cannibalism is going to happen. Too ambitious.

My relationship is in a mess.

Long distance (for the past 6 years) with both parties pursuing their dreams. How much longer can it last?

My girlfriend says the relationship is burnt out, it's not longer fun as before and she doesn't feel the emotions.

We're not ending it yet, maybe I can turn it round again.

What happens if and when I get into business school.... I don't know.

I think, RSM's essay has made me achieve that the other schools' essays have failed to do. I have introspected and brought back memories of long ago just to write this essay.

Working in a small little office above a pub. Late nights, watching the people stumble as they leave to go home after a night of drinking. Sitting in the small room watching the rain fall at 2am as I struggled to finish the presentation for Venture Capitalist number 1001. Friends and family questioning my sanity.

Memories of the team sitting around the food stalls checking to see whether we had enough money to have a dinner. (usually we did, but sometimes we would have to be careful to make sure what we had enough to cover the bill - yes, money was tight). Wondering whether we could afford to pay the electricity bill that month. Wondering whether I would have enough money to buy a pack of cigarettes AND a can of coke (I usually had to forgo the coke).

Fighting over product development timelines. Celebrating a team member's marriage. Hyped up over the big presentation at the Third Thursday/Second Monday/First Friday venture capital meetings. Signing our first real partnership agreement.

A company built on dedication, determination, hardwork and some luck. Driven by hopes and dreams.

Now as I retrospect and introspect, I was much happier, more satisfied with my work than I am now. I gave it my best. Yes, I, we, had no money, but the company was something that we believed in.

I didn't have to pander to my supervisor and worry about my yearly reviews. I built _real_ relationships with the customers and partner companies. I was responsible for making real decisions that made a difference. Achieving our targets meant something for the team, and not just reading about the company making another $500 million in profits.

We were a team.

But now the company has come and gone, but I'll still remember that we were a team. And I'll never forget my experiences.

The Killers - All These Things That I've Done

I've figured out the missing link for RSM's decision/personal effect essay! Whoa! It feels like a lightbulb going on above my head.

In short, I'm rewriting the entire essay :) Never felt this good rewriting an essay. I'm still structuring the new essay in my head but it feels good.

The gist

- Quit my job to join a dot com (decision)
- Dot com had no money = I had no money (effect)
- Working in a tight team = Improved teamwork, problem solving and creative thinking (effect)
- An experience that was unforgettable (conclusion)

Oh yeah. I've nearly got it all planned out.

DJ Yanny pres. Terraformer - Won't Forget These Days (Hardcore mix)

It's true. If it's truly a decision that changed your life, you'll never forget it.

------

I've turned into an essay junkie. Every edit that I do, every essay that I write gives me a little thrill. I realize that I'm never truly satisfied with the essay and constantly edit them up until submission day.

In fact, I enjoy essays so much and I've heard so much about the Stanford essay I think I'm going to take a crack at it just for the heck of it.

------

I wonder whether a group of people could collectively write/edit a "perfect" essay?

I think, Tuck will ding me on February 2. Without an interview, there's hardly hope.

I guess that's the fastest $220 that I've spent. Could have bought me maybe 150 Big Macs.

I wonder when Yale will start calling for interviews. My application has yet to be matched with my transcripts. However, I do know that Yale has received my transcripts (according to DHL). Will I be rejected yet again?

> Right Said Fred - Living on a Dream.mp3

Then there's RSM Erasmus, whose essays are coming along quite well. As a school, I feel that it would be adequate to have an MBA from RSM. It most probably won't get me into Goldman Sachs or McKinsey, but I think, it will be able to get me somewhere and give me some opportunity. I meet the average GMAT for once (yay!) and hopefully will get an admit.... now if only I could sort out the financing for RSM....

> Blink 182 - All the Small Things.mp3

And so I plod on. The sucking up at work, the long distance relationship, the occasional weekend drinks. Am I seriously going to live my life like this? Disjointed and dissatisfied. I crave to try something new, to break the monotony of the last 2 years. 1 1/2 years working at something that you don't really enjoy. Why didn't I change jobs? The usual reasons, but I think the time has come to change. So, hopefully over the next 3 months, I will be able to change jobs. Or get admitted to b/school.

Or maybe I'll just suck it up for another year.... or so...

> EMF - Unbelievable.mp3
>DJ Brisk & Trixxy - Eyeopener.mp3

Ever been to a meet-up where everybody sits around talking about their new mansion on the hill and their ferrari that they've just bought?

"I bought the Ferrari 360 because it's an extra 5 mph faster than the lastest Porsche 911Turbo super power number 1 version xx2"

Sometimes, BW forums feel like that. People with admits to Harvard/Stanford/Wharton/Chicago/Kellogg/Columbia etc sitting around knocking each other's school and talking about how they're all going to be the next Boone Pickens or make partner at McKinsey within 3 years.

(yeah. I know, somebody's going to make noise about me mentioning Kellogg in the same breath as Harvard)

"Oh woe is to me, should I choose between Harvard or Stanford?"

"Oh no. I have admits to Chicago and Wharton. Which will allow me to make the extra million the year I graduate?"


And all I'm thinking is

"Wow, wish I could get into bschool, even if it's a school that's number 25 on the list. Hope they accept me and I get the loan to study."


You know, sure, going to Harvard gets your foot into the door into Company Xyz, but really, if you're going to be so anal about whether Harvard deserves to be ranked better than Chicago, or some funny ranking thing like that, you're missing the forest for the tree. The key thing is, you're going to go to b/school.

Yes, business schools are about opportunity, and yes, top schools give you the opportunity to get a foot in with whichever company you want. But if you're an asshole, you can graduate from Harvard/Stanford/etc, top of the class, as president of every single club and companies will never ask you to stay on after the first 6 months.

Me? I just want the little 2 bed-room apartment with a Toyota. At least it's on the way up to bigger things. Just remember, all things, sometimes start small.

Yale - submitted!

Yay! Just RSM left to finish up and submit.

I'm just hoping that my recommender gets the job done by January 10th (for Yale). Spoke to him yesterday and he hadn't even started on it yet! :(

What other options do I have other than a CFA? What would be the best?

I've taken a side track from MBAs and finance and applied to Grey Worldwide (advertising) to be an account manager. After so many years of considering working in advertising, I hope I finally get accepted into advertising. I feel, strangely enough, that my forte may be in advertising after all.

RSM's essay on what is your hobby and how does it reflect your personality is giving me a massive headache! I suspect most successful RSM applicants create a hobby just for their application.

Maybe something like, starting up non-profit organisation to fight for the rights of the oppressed and poor gnomes in the deepest and darkest part of Switzerland. Or maybe

"I've always had a passion for managing my own portfolio of share. My current portfolio that I started at the age of 5 has a current net value of millions and gazillions of dollars, consisting of shares spread across all continents. In the last financial year, my portfolio value increased by 20000%! I am the worlds greatest thing since sliced bread. If RSM doesn't accept me, I will buy RSM and fire the entire admissions committee."

My hobby is spending time with friends. But who gives a hobby like that? :(

Or is it possible?

Hmm.

New Year

Welcome to the new year 2007!

Lots of plans in store for the new year.

First, my family has made me an offer. Forget reapplying for an MBA next year, forget about retaking the GMAT and they will sponsor a local course of my choice. Could be the CFA or a Diploma in Business Management. I'll have to decide very soon on whether to accept the offer or not. It's actually quite hard to think about not doing an MBA when all you've done for the past 1.5 years is prepare to get accepted to do an MBA. It's a definite change in the lifestyle and thinking. I'll probably accept the offer and apply for the MBA anyway.

An old friend who's in Japan working has asked whether I would like a job in Japan. No guarantees other than being able to arrange an interview for me. I'll give it a shot and see how it goes. It would be interesting to work in Japan.

So happy new year to you.